On August 3, 2014 – after over a decade of cutting (self-harm) – I made one very final cut… God, the EMTs, the ER docs, and a few others said, “Not yet.” August 4, 2014 was the start of what became the life I have now. A life free from self-injury.
I’m one decade clean from self-harm as of yesterday (August 4, 2024)!
To celebrate, I drew self-portraits of myself at each age from nine until now.
Lauren Spear shares which horror movie scenes she looks away from and how gore FX can be healing… or harmful.
Been a couple months since my last update. I should change that, huh? So, in 2024 thus far, I turned 39 and then (in order of when it occurred):
Continue reading “Life, Death, and Other Updates: 2024 So Far!”
On July 23rd, 2021, I had FIVE organs removed: My cervix, my right fallopian tube, my left fallopian tube, my right ovary, and my demonic uterus. Today, on the one-year anniversary, I’m making an update about what’s been going on in my life since then.
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It’s hard to believe it’s been 365 days since my lifesaving — and life changing — surgery! Wow!!
One year ago today, my husband Frank and I took an Uber ride to the surgery center. Then, Frank had to kiss me goodbye and wish me luck. Due to COVID restrictions in Los Angeles, no one was allowed into the building but staff and patients… that meant no loving husband by my side. Frank caught a ride back home where he and my parents waited anxiously by the phone, texting my bestie Christi the details as they came in.
Meanwhile, I was getting prepped for major surgery. They gave me a Pepcid for stomach acid (didn’t want acid reflux making a nasty guest appearance while I was unconscious!) and crossed their fingers that nothing would go wrong with the anesthesia. I had been put under once in my life before, for my hip replacement/bone graft as a wee one, but every medical and dental procedure I’d had since was done with only local anesthetics.
I tend to have bad reactions to strong medications. And even some “normal” ones (I’m deathly allergic to cough syrup, for example!).
They gave me zero painkillers while I was under. I had a prescription for Ibuprofen and an antinausea medication for when I got home. And, Papa & Barkley CBD ReLeaf Capsules came highly recommended. So, I had a bottle of those too! And they’re amazing. As someone who has struggled with chronic inflammation for most of my adult life, they were a Godsend, even now, long after my recovery period has come and gone. I was so impressed that Papa & Barkley’s CBD products actually do everything they say they will (from what I’ve experienced, a lot of places just slap the “CBD” label on to be trendy and the actual benefits are nil) that I became one of “Papa’s Champs” and recommend their products to everyone — especially fellow Spoonies who have never known a life completely free from pain…
Speaking of pain, the surgery itself went extremely well! And I kinda freaked out the staff a little bit. They were hovering around nervously, expecting me to have some trouble — after all, I’d just had five organs removed with zero painkillers! — but I was basically a-okay!! Compared to the pain I’d been in BEFORE the surgery, the actual operation pain was NOTHING!!
Our friend Brian’s girlfriend, Annie, picked me up and drove me home from the surgery center. They’d been together quite a while, but that was the first time I’d gotten to meet her in person (how memorable, huh??). She got me home safely and was an excellent driver. I liked her a ton, even though it was odd circumstances and a bit hard to concentrate due to the lingering anesthesia making me a bit woozy.
I’m happy to report that, since then, Brian and Annie have gotten engaged! ♥
So, that’s one big thing that’s changed since my surgery last year! Here are a few other things:
Continue reading “One Full Year Uterus-Free!”
This was formerly a Kofi Exclusive. For more about why it’s not anymore, you can read this update: https://ko-fi.com/post/Im-No-Longer-Kofi-GOLD–Heres-What-That-Means-Y8Y4KPBW2 Thank you for your viewership/support! –Lauren*
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ORIGINAL DESCRIPTION: On July 23rd, 2021, I had FIVE organs removed: My cervix, my right fallopian tube, my left fallopian tube, my right ovary, and my demonic uterus. I drew these for the one-year anniversary (07/23/2022) update about what’s been going on in my life since then, physically (“Adventures of Lefty the Ovary”) and otherwise. Music = “Burning Trapezoid of Fire” by Kevin MacLeod via FreePD.com
This post wasn’t sponsored, but I am an affiliate. Any links to ARK Therapeutic in this post will be my affiliate link. If you purchase anything using my affiliate link, I’ll get a small monetary kickback for referring you at no additional cost to you. It’s a great way to support me/my content while buying something awesome for yourself or a loved one! ♥
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This hasn’t been a great year… I know you likely feel the same way (and probably have for the entirety of the 2020s thus far!). We’ve all been dealing with immeasurable stress, crushing losses, lingering grief…
It’s been an especially difficult time for creators — writers, artists, and other creative minds.
In a dose of cold, harsh reality: Freelancers and independent creators don’t get paid if they don’t create! (And nothing adds extreme stress to an already crisis-level emotional situation like wondering “How am I going to buy food/pay bills this month??”). For many of us, we create because we have to in order to survive — it’s the only thing we’re good at.
In a more romantic sense: We create because we NEED to. It doesn’t just help us survive financially, it just plain helps us survive.
Creativity is at the heart of everything that matters. In many ways, it’s the only thing that matters. Especially now.
But sometimes creating things is SO DIFFICULT!! Even when we want to — even when we need to!
When you’re in the midst of a personal crisis (illness, bereavement, sleep deprivation, etc.), it can feel almost impossible to find the will and the inspiration to create anything. I know it has been for me… But, in spite of the difficulty, I’ve been creating a whole heck of a lot of stuff on a fairly consistent basis.
The following are the techniques I use to keep creating, always. I hope that my tips help you to continue creating during a crisis as well.
Continue reading “How to Continue Creating During a Personal Crisis”
Uncle Paul (Mom’s older brother and only sibling) passed at 10:08pm last night.
He went (relatively) peacefully in bed with his soulmate Ivana, sister Cathy, brother-in-law Rob, niece Lauren, nephew-in-law Frank, neighbor Don, and nurse Maria at his side.
He was adamant about not wanting any services or fuss.
His work was his life and his legacy. Check out his discography and rock out to a song he worked on in his honor.
Thank you to everyone who’s been helping Uncle Paul and our family the past few months. ❤
–Lauren*
Continue reading “Please Help Uncle Paul Pass Comfortably”
You deserve happiness. And I hope you feel it soon. If not… Tomorrow. Tomorrow for sure. ❤, L
You’re still breathing!
You are loved.
You’re human.
You are SO much more than your worst memories…
You’re still YOU!
YOU MATTER!!
Music = “Long Road Ahead B” by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3995-long-road-ahead-b
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
This was formerly a Kofi Exclusive. For more about why it’s not anymore, you can read this update: https://ko-fi.com/post/Im-No-Longer-Kofi-GOLD–Heres-What-That-Means-Y8Y4KPBW2 Thank you for your viewership/support! –Lauren*
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ORIGINAL DESCRIPTION:
The gals in the Patient Assist Program at New Choice Health — who helped me get my lifesaving hysterectomy in spite of having zero insurance — sent me a thank you card for choosing their services for help. They included a photo of themselves… which I turned into a drawing and sent back to them as a return thank you! They framed it and put it up on the wall of their office 🙂 For more about my life-saving surgery: https://littlezotz.com/uterus-issues For more about New Choice Health/Patient Assist: https://www.newchoicehealth.com/patient-assist